BACKCOUNTRY ETIQUETTE
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By Keith
Benefiel
RULES? RULES.... WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ RULES!
The
most visible sign of the decline of Western Civilization is
postholes in the ski track. Some may argue corrupt politicians, war,
toxic waste, or Martha Stewart provide better examples, but they
probably don’t ski the Pass much.
Is
it a comment on society as a whole that some would find it
acceptable to leave miles of foot-long, foot-deep craters in what
was an obvious ski trail, thus ruining it for all skiers to follow?
Or, for that matter, folks who ski up or down over the boot pack,
filling in the steps and making the footing troublesome and
treacherous for hikers to come?
Bad! Bad backcountry enthusiast! No dark brew for you! Go to bed!
To
be charitable it will be first assumed that the apparently
self-centered lout is actually ignorant of the effect his or her
actions are having on others. A gentle reminder is in order here.
Something along the lines of: "Excuse me, old chap, but your method
of locomotion is making my forward progress beastly difficult. Could
I prevail upon you to desist?"
The obvious next step is bear spray.
BROWN WAX SUCKS
If a dog can be trained not to
dump on the floor, it can be trained not to dump on the trail. The
pointy-end-of-the-ski-pole method works as well as any. This is
remote control, simultaneously plugging the offending orifice and
imparting a desired direction to the dog.
If scat happens, an avalanche
shovel makes a remarkable long-distance turd-slinger.
When a brown wax application to
the trail is observed, the culprit should have its nose rubbed in
said dung while being thwacked with a rolled up Mountain Gazette.
This lesson will work equally well on the dog.
The bodily functions of humans
should take place a dozen yards or so from the trail as well. Women
already do this for modesty. Men should as a courtesy.
There is also nothing wrong with
stepping off the track to jawbone with your pards, take on fuel,
have a safety meeting, manipulate snowshoes, do the skin thing or
wax (remember wax?).
Everybody understands that trail
right-of-way is always given to traffic that is moving uphill or
when overtaking others from behind, right? Quicker cruisers up- or
down-bound may want to communicate their intentions to those whom
they are about to pass. The pointy-end-of-the-ski-pole method is NOT
appropriate in this instance. A simple “On your left!,” “On your
right,” or “Track!” will suffice.
As an occasional tactic for keeping
folks from following you to the secret stash, setting an
elevator-shaft skin track is understandable, but when touring the
usual routes, be nice to those to follow by packing a trail of a
steepness both do-able and enjoyable. It’s an art worth learning.
HUCKING NERDS
While the foregoing habits of
some folks are highly annoying, other people are engaged in
activities that actually endanger their fellow recreators.
For instance, the practice of
building a kicker that launches the flyer DIRECTLY OVER a heavily
used trail is, to be kind, abysmally stupid. These wankers must have
I.Q.s lower than their D.I.N. settings.
 Never
situate a jump or run-out above a trail. NEVER! They should be
destroyed whenever found.
Steep, gnarly chutes and
historic slide paths have become the lines of choice for increasing
numbers of snowriders. Playing avalanche roulette should be a
personal decision, to be sure. If one miscalculates and rides the
dragon, so be it. Not acceptable, however, is making somebody else
pay the price for one’s own folly. Be aware of who is below before
you go!
Understand, too, the risk any
rescue party will be subjected to. This grim group will be comprised
of one’s own skiing or boarding buddies. Teton County Search and
Rescue has never recovered a live burial victim, whose chances of
survival after 30 minutes drop like ENRON stock. Don’t put your
mates through that.
The 1949 edition of Where to Ski
lists Teton Pass as a ski area. The dollar-and-a-half rope tows are
gone now, but there is still "Parking area at top of pass, 8,429’
elevation. Canteen at Wilson." Fifty-three years later the parking
area has achieved critical mass and the air up there is half carbon
monoxide. Consider parking at the "canteen" (now, as then, the
Stagecoach Bar). Carpool to the top or stand by the road with a
dollar or some other ticket to ride. And remember, "Them what gives
rides, gits rides." Pay for parking by purchasing an apres ski
libation at the ‘Coach. They don’t get heavy mid-day demands on
their parking lot and actually encourage the practice.
Rules, rules, enough already
with the rules! We go into the backcountry for freedom, not more
rules! We don’t need no stinkin’ rules!
Agreed.
Other than the laws of physics
being strictly enforced, there are no rules in the bush.
Rules are mandatory. Courtesy is
voluntary.
Just kidding about the bear
spray. Heh, heh.
Keith Benefiel is a retired,
10-year veteran of Teton County Search and Rescue, a chimney sweep,
and he guides summer backpacking excursions into the Tetons and Wind
River Range. He has skied Teton Pass for over 25 years and lives at
the base of the Pass in historic downtown Wilson.
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